How letting go of my dreams changed my life
We live in a world where we think that no matter the circumstances, we should follow our dreams. Well, I did the opposite, and here is the story of what happened.
At the age of seven, my father drew a line in our backyard. Then he told me that I need to make seven out of ten shots. As a reward, he would sign me up to a basketball school. Funny enough, I never made those, and here I stood at my first practice. Later that year, a second-grade teacher assigned us to write down three ideal jobs. I wrote the NBA, NBA, and NBA. From then on, my dreams were certain. I will become a professional basketball player!
As time went by, my whole life revolved around basketball. Not a day went by without playing it. Throughout my youth, I played in many Slovenian basketball clubs. I was always an ambitious kid. Perhaps too ambitious. I just chased the feeling of fulfillment. So, for that reason, I worked for the next milestone, which was at a time to play college basketball.
In the year 2015, my long-held wish finally came true. I got a scholarship from a college in Orlando. Words cannot describe how fulfilled I felt at the time. I remember thinking that hard work pays off, and after all, we should never give up on our dreams.
That feeling of refinement went by as quickly as it came. So I proceed to operate in the same manner, working for the next big moment. Until I got my first reality check, I injured my back again, which was my big problem in the past. I had a spinal disc herniation when I was 17 years old.
For the first time in my life, I quit my dreams.
I went home, got a job as a gas station salesman. Which I truly hated. But ironically, this is one of the best things that has happened to me. I had to make a decision. Do I become a victim of my past events? Or do I surrender to my past and learn from it?
I decided on a fresh start. I realized that I was defining myself by what I did, not by who I was. See, I have been identifying myself as a basketball player for as long as I can remember. I made conclusions based on that persona. This label helped me to some extent. Yet, I couldn’t help but notice that it also gave me limits. With this awareness, I began to resolve this need to control myself to perfection. I began to realize that I was being held hostage, by myself.
A funny thing happened when I decided to stop being a person defined by all the conscious and mindful choices I make. I gained access back to presence and the ability to be in the moment, in the joy of experiencing moments in front of me. I gained access to the freedom to live this life fully, undefined.
When I look back on my journey, I feel proud of myself for the courage I had for revealing myself to the world. This process helped me understand the secret of refinement, which I had been searching for all these years. The problem was in the word searching. As the famous Slovenian climber Nejc Zaplotnik said:
“Whoever seeks the goal will remain empty when he reaches it. Whoever finds the way will carry the goal within himself.”
I have no idea where my future is heading. But I decided to detach from it and let the magic happen.
This is my first story on Medium. I have been reading Medium articles for a few months now. And the idea of me publishing a story terrified me. So I did it. :) Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate it!
